All a blur..

When I was little, I remember older people telling me- enjoy every day now, because as you get older time just goes faster and faster.  I always thought they were crazy.  Yeah right- time goes so slow, school is so long... sure summer went faster because we were on vacations etc.  But now I am in complete agreement with those older, wiser folks who warned me saying that time flies when you get older.  Why is that? Obviously it's not speeding up, but it sure feels like it!  

I cannot believe 7 months have gone by since my wedding.  Us newly married people are probably pretty annoying because everything is in reference to our "big day."  I apologize to those of you who aren't married yet, and hope that you'll not get too aggravated by us- but it's the easiest way to measure time at this point.  With such a big life change like that too, it's hard not to measure everything from it.  

It is crazy to think how much has happened in the past year.  Time has been flying by so fast lately, that I haven't had time to sit down and think about what's happening in life, where I am, or how I feel about where I am.  I think this is super important in helping us stay grounded, to see where we've come from and what we're moving towards.  Well... in the last year I lost my job, got married, moved in with my husband, thought I found another position that would be a perfect fit (but God has other plans in mind apparently), and I am now working for my dad's company; filling in for his assistant while she is on maternity leave.  It's been almost a full year since I lost my job working at a church and I feel like so much has changed since that point.  

I am so thankful for this year, what God has been doing- and yet I feel like I can't remember the last time where I felt I had my feet planted securely on the ground.  Although there are clear things that keep me grounded, like now having a husband, and trusting that God has a plan for me... I really feel like I've been floating about in some sort of way not sure of what I am doing or what is happening next.  

I haven't decided if I like this feeling, or if my "super organized, planner self" is about to snap one of these days when my dad's assistant comes back and I am once again in a place of "what the heck am I doing with myself?"  Life is so strange, isn't it?  We think we have it figured out in one moment and then the next it's like wait, what?  A couple months ago I declared myself in a place of "proactively waiting."  I came to terms with the fact that I did not know what I was up to, or what was next, and decided to just wait on God and seek Him for what was next.  I loved that place, it was great!  Then an interview popped up, my proactive waiting period turned into waiting to hear back regarding this position, and my happy, care-free waiting turned into a disgusted, frustration with the icky way that so many job interview processes are handled (even by the church unfortunately).  With all that said, I feel like I have once again found myself in a place of uncertainty.  I picture myself as one of those characters in a movie, where the scenery, the people around, cars, everything is whirring by, so that everything is a blur- and yet there I stand right in the middle watching it all go by in a blur.  I haven't really moved, I haven't changed and yet everything else continues to keep moving.  

So the question is, what do you do when you are in a place like this?  Sometimes I think our society gives people who are in the place of unemployment way more crap than they deserve.  Yes I understand that there are people who maybe deserve a kick in the pants to get motivated and find a job that they so obviously need.  But at the same time, why are we SO DEFINED by our places of employment?  Yes, money is a necessity to live- that is obvious.  But if it wasn't would we still define each other by what we do?  

Right now, I am in a place where my husband makes enough money to cover both of us.  Praise the Lord, I am so blessed.  So I don't have to be running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to figure out what's next.  But I still feel weird when people ask me, "so what do you do?"  Having had a job straight out of college and keeping that same position for 3 years, it is weird to be in this new place- not having a secure job (outside of this temporary position I now have) and being asked that question.  And what's sad is, whenever I am asked that question and respond- with "I really don't know what's next"- it's like people are floored, shocked, almost as if they are judging me for not having it all figured out yet.  

So here I am saying, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS NEXT- and yes, right now, I am okay with that.  There's tons of things I want to do.  I'm having a blast trying new Nail Art creations.  I'd LOVE to open a shoe boutique.  I want to work back in ministry.  I want to make a difference in people's lives.  I want to be an active participant in growing God's kingdom.  Maybe I'll do it all- maybe I won't be doing any of that- I don't know. All I know is, I am going to try to soak up each minute knowing that time continues to fly by in a blur.