Quiet is a weird thing. Suddenly you can hear noises you wouldn't otherwise notice. The hum of the refrigerator, the creak of the wall, the whir of the cars driving by, the ticking of your watch, the slap of your cat's tongue drinking water out of his bowl. You discover that the quiet is quite noisy, yet peaceful.
That's how my house feels tonight. Coming off of weeks of busyness I can honestly say this is the first time in far too long that I've even noticed the quiet. With a husband out of town and nothing on the agenda I'm sitting on the couch watching my cat climb into the fort I made him just cause I thought it'd be fun (yeah I'm special, and maybe a cat lady... oh well) and I'm feeling the quiet. Throughout these busy weeks full of social activities, household tasks, and a good chunk of writing I remember saying to my husband, oh man I feel like I need a break! And tonight, as I am experiencing this break, I'm struggling between the joy of doing absolutely nothing and the odd complexity of the feeling of sadness as I sit here in an empty house.
Reading in a book called Kingdom Come by Allen Wakabayashi, I ran across this quote about spiritual disciplines - "Spiritual disciplines are disciplines that provide places and times for the Holy Spirit to work in us and equip us for kingdom service.” Thinking about this quote and my struggle with the quiet, I can't help but think how little emphasis I give this truth in my life. I have been SO busy lately, working on so many things - things that in and of themselves are good and are for the goal of the proclaiming the name of Jesus and yet I've neglected to just sit, be quiet and provide time for my heart to be filled by Him.
Lately, I've been leaning into the Lord for me. Continuing to struggle with this issue with my pinky fingers and just wanting them to work like a normal person, feeling like my eyes have been an issue with being at the computer so much (sometimes I really think I might be 90), and pouring my heart into a message I'm writing as I prepare to speak at a college ministry next week, I have been coming to the Lord saying, "Hey God, here is what I'm doing, here is what I'm struggling with, can you help me?" While there's nothing wrong with this attitude as I am seeking Him, it's still less than I want to be doing.
I want to be pursuing Him wholeheartedly when I feel I need Him and when I don't. It's sad how desperation can drive us to realize we are nothing without Him, but then when we feel semi-normal again we act as if we can do life all on our own. I hate to admit that I operate like that. But, I do.
I want to lean into the Lord in a desperate, soul-thirsty sort of way no matter what I'm going through, good or bad. And I think an important piece of that is making room for the quiet. Putting the cell phone away, stepping away from the social scene, and shutting out the rest of the world (even our loved ones), is such a valuable practice to allow the Holy Spirit the opportunity to feed our souls and encourage us to keep coming back for more.
This is something that I need to get better at. It takes moments like these where by chance I'm here in the quiet, to make me realize how energizing and how necessary it is for my soul. As I move forward into the rest of this evening, and into a crazy week ahead I really need to cling to this memory and reminder that while quiet may be difficult to prioritize, difficult to create, it is so so worth it.
As you're going about your weekend, whether in the crazy or in the quiet - I am praying that you recognize the Lord's presence with you and that you'd lean into Him, prioritizing Him wherever you may be.
Thanks for being patient with me as I've been MIA from lovemin for a little while. I look forward to getting back into a rhythm as soon as time allows. If you think of me, can you pray for me? I have a big week ahead with speaking at a local College Ministry and heading off to the Influence Conference (which I am praying will be so fulfilling and energizing).